Siderman and the Black Knights
by Jenna-Chan Smith
Summary: When mild-mannered Spiderman is transported to a bizarre alien world, only his wits can free him!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter I:

Peter Parker awoke in a dark place, he looked around and saw that was behind large iron bars. "Damnit, now I can't listen to metal anymore!" he cursed as he thrashed at the iron bars. "Oh, I know! I will use my Spider Powers!" He shouted as he shot webs through the bars and spawned bioluminescent spiders out of the webs. "Crawl around the walls, my arachnabrood!".

The Spiders crawled up the walls and down the walls and illuminated the area, revealing a mysterious steel lever. "I will pull that lever!" Peter Parker shouted as he shot webs at the lever and pulled it, causing the iron bars to open up, and he walked outside.

"Hmmm... I'll have to get out of this dark dungeon... But first!" Peter Parker said as he tore a portion off from an azure tapestry and wrapped it around himself and smeared a dead rat across his arms and legs to make them red with blood. Then he put a red jar on his head and poked holes in it so he could see. "I am now wearing an _Improvised Spidersuit_."

Spiderman runs up a stairs then jumps out a window and looks around. He sees that he is on top of a mountain at night, there are two moons. "Two moons, where am I?" He said as he looked at the moons, counted them, then jumped off a cliff. "I'll use a Web Parachute!" And he did so and wafted lazily to a small medieval village. "This land is at a medieval-level of technology! Arachnatastic!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Spiderman talked to the local Blacksmith. "I need a sword."

And then the Blacksmith shook his head and said that he has no food for his son nor his child-bride.

"Oh, I can acquire you some food." Spiderman said as he looked around and saw that nobody had any food. "I will go on a quest to find you some food so you can make me a sword."

"Thank you, Spiderman!" The Blacksmith said as he patted Spiderman on the back.

"Don't touch Spiderman." Spiderman groaned.

Then Spiderman ran up the cliff using his spiderpowers and he entered a forest beside the dungeon he was just in before he escaped from it last chapter.

"Hmm, Forests are full of foodstuffs!" Spiderman laughed heartily as he looked high and higher for fruits and then low and under stumps for mushrooms and beets. He did find some beets. "Beets increase your Crafting Skill by 2 points for 3d6 rounds." He noted as he collected roughly a dozen beets then jumped off the cliff.

Spiderman generated a Web-Handglider and flew to the village.

Spiderman ran up to the Blacksmith and the Blacksmith said "Thank you, I will make you a sword, my name is Robert."

Spiderman laughed heartily and then said "Where is my sword?"

The Blacksmith scratched his beard and said "Spiderman, I have no Iron with which to make you a sword, but I do have some Stone, I will make you a sword with stone."

"Eat your beets, Blacksmith, they will give you a Crafting Bonus for a short time." Spiderman said as he pointed at the beets on the table that he put there recently.

The Blacksmith ate some beets and he got a Crafting Bonus and he made a Stone Sword.

"Thank you for the sword, Blacksmith." Spiderman said as he patted the Blacksmith on the back.

"My name is Robert, Hahaha." The Blacksmith laughed. "Thanks the beets, Spiderman, I like them."

So Spiderman uses the sword to run back to the fort and jumps up and wall-jumps up the cliff.

He knocks on the fort door. "Let me in, I'm going to hurt you!"

So the door opens and Spiderman sees two Black Knights.

"Oh, you think you're so big with your Black Armour and Huge Axes?" Spiderman mocks and he waves his _Stone Sword_ around..

Then the Knights looked at each-other and laughed. "We will defeat you Spiderman! And then we will put you back in the _Prison Cell_!"

So then Spiderman shot web at them and they became entangled and they were stuck together. "Damnit, not again, Lou, I hate being stuck to you!"

Then Spiderman laughed as he spawned Spiders from his armholes and the spiders crawled all over the two knights that they felt uncomfortable.

"Where is your master and what are his fears?" Spiderman asked.

"Our Master is somewhere else and he is afraid of Infrasonic Waves." the knight that was stuck to Lou said.

"Thank you, Tedd!" Spiderman laughed as he jumped off the cliff and spawned a Web-Helicopter.

"How did he know your name, Tedd?" Lou asked.

"Spiderman and I have a long and troubled past together..." Tedd said as a single tear ran out of his Black Armour Helmet.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter III:

Spiderman had been running through the desert for six weeks.

He had a flashback.

He saw himself talking to the Blacksmith.

"Spiderman... I heard some gossip that the leader of the Black Knights bought some real-estate in the city of Apple City..." The voice of the Blacksmith echoed in the back of Spiderman's mind.

Spiderman was running, running in the desert.

The Desert was massive and featureless.

"I will sing metal music to myself..." Spiderman said.

He hummed the entire first two albums of Simple Plan.

"That was good metal." Spiderman laughed as he ran through the desert some more.

He eventually saw the outer walls of the massive metropolis of Apple City. He ran up the walls with his Spiderpowers.

"Ride the train, Spiderman." A train company employee said. She had nice knockers.

"I will knock on your knockers." Spiderman said.

"What? I do not understand your expression, I am but a simple train serf... Me'lord won't even let me learn to read..."

Then Spiderman got on the medieval train and rode it to the Inside of the Inner Walls of Apple City.

"Welcome to Apple City, Spiderman. We have been at war with the Orange Empire for hundreds of years." The Mayor of Apple City said as he gave Spiderman a _Steel Sword_.

"I will save your city, you will eat your apples in peace from now on."

So Spiderman created a Web-Helicopter and flies to the Orange Empire.

Spiderman saw an Orange Knight who was going to shot Spiderman with a crossbow.

"I will make you intimate with the floor!" Spiderman shouted as he tackled the Orange Knight to the floor and punched him in the face while on top of him. He punched him sixty-seven times.

"Spiderman!" Mary Jane Watson said as her face appeared in a TV Screen. "The Orange Empire is not your enemies!" Static overtook the screen a bit. "Spiderman, the transmission is dying!" "Apple City has been fooling you!" Then static overtook the screen even more until it was all static.

"No!" Spiderman shouted. "I will fight the Mayor of Apple City!" He shouted as he created a Web-Car and drove it to Apple City.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter IV:

Spiderman got out of his Web-Car and got out and punches the Mayor's dog fourty three times. "That is for being a bad dog!"

"Why have you punched my dog... Unless! Oh no! You found out that I am evil!" The Mayor shouted as he got in his mech.

"Hahahaha!" Spiderman laughed as he generated a Web-Mech.

So the Apple Mayor fires Throwing Axes from his canons of his mech.

But then Spiderman fired huge tarantulas out of his webborne canons of his web-mech.

"Noooo! Tarantulas! They will jam the steam-pipes of my medieval clockwork mech suit!" The Mayor shouted as his mech jammed up and it exploded and nuts and bolts flew everywhere.

"Looks like..." Spiderman paused for dramatic effect as he took off his sunglasses. "Your pipes got all jammed up... With Spiders! YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter V:

Then Spiderman went to the Tavern of Apple City and said "I need to assemble a group of heroes to quest with me with."

Then a young lady stood up and said "I am Yui Hirasawa, I was once a guitar player in a platinum-record winning band in Japan, but then I found myself here in a Black Knight prison that I escaped from."

"Good." Spiderman said as he shot web at Yui and wrapped her up like a burrito and dragged her outside to his Web Car. "Darn, I need more Web Gas, but there aren't any Web Gas Stations on this planet probably."

"Spiderman, where are we going?" Yui-Chan asked.

"We are going to the village where the Blacksmith lives." Spiderman said as he steers his Web-Helicopter over the desert.

"Welcome back, Spiderman!" The Blacksmith laughs as he offers Spiderman some beets.

"Blacksmith, join my party on my quest with me and Yui-Chan." Spiderman asks the Blacksmith.

"My name is Robert, hahaha." The Blacksmith laughs "And yes, I will join!"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter VI:

So then Yui and Spiderman got out of the pantry together.

"Goo' dammit, Spiderman, Ya'll got tha stank all up in ma pantry!" The Blacksmith hollered.

"Calm down, Blacksmith, we good, we good." Spiderman laughed as he patted the Blacksmith on the back."Oh, Spidermaaaaaaaaaaaan, you jive ass motha fucka! I told ya'll ma name was

Tyrone!" The Blacksmith hollered. "That's TY-RONE! Big Tyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Lil' Rone!"

"Haha, okay Blacksmith." Spidernan laughed. "Let's go to the Tavern to get a quest."

So they walked to the tavern and asked around for rumours.

"Spiderman, the King of this country says there is a Dragon in the caves." An old lady said as she sipped her tea and crumpets.

"Okay." Spiderman said as he spawned a web-submarine and dove under the lake and they all got inside and they sailed across the lake to the Cave.

so they went inside the cave and found _Black Knights_.

"Oooooooh Doggy! We been fooled, Spider-brothaaaa!" The Blacksmith hollered.

"Spiderman, we are here to kill you and put you back in the Prison Cell!" The Black Knight said.

"Oh no you won't!" So Spiderman fired Web Javalins and killed the Black Knights.

"Damnit." The last surviving Black Knight said.

"I'm going to kill you too now, other Black Knight..." Spiderman said as he charged up his Spider Beam.

"Spiderman, you can't kill me... I have a secret to tell you, it is the reason why you came to this world..." The Black Knight said.

"Wooooooooooooooo! We gotta hot one heeah! What you gonn' say, brothaaa?!" The Blacksmith Hollered.

"Spiderman, My time in this world is short, for I have been alive for Thousands of years..." The Black Knight muttered as his voice and body got weak. "You are the descendent of Jesus Christ... Only you can defeat the Black Knights..."

"Ooooooooooooooooooooh Doggy! You' Jesus?! Daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn! That means I gotta pray to ya'll! Can you turn ma wata' into wiiiiiiiiiine?!" The Blacksmith hollered as he put water in a cup.

But then the Blacksmith got shot in the face with a crossbow.

"Oh no, Blacksmith, you are dead!" Yui Hirasawa cried out in sadness.

"Hahaha! I have face-shot your friend your friend in the face with my crossbow and he has become dead now!" A man with a fedora said as he jumps up onto the back of his red dragon.

"Nooooo!" Yui Hirasawa cried out.

"Don't worry, Yui-Chan... We will collect the seven dragonballs and wish him back." Spiderman laughed as he created a web spaceship and wrapped Yui up like a burrito and they got inside the web spaceship and it took off and flew to Namek.

It took them six and a half months to get there and when they got there they parallel parked in between the ships of the planets trade federation.

When Spiderman got out of the Web Spaceship he tossed the Yuiburrito out onto the ground and he cut the cocoon open with his Web Knife.

"Look Dodoria, it's a human..." Zarbon smugged as he charged up a ki beam.

"Hmmm... I think I can take them!" Spiderman laughed as he made a web gun and shot Zarbon in the face. "Hey, Dodoria, say Cheese!" Then he shot Dodoria in the face with his web gun. "Hahahahahaha! Now to get those Dragon Balls!"

"Spiderman, what are Dragon Balls?" Yui Hirasawa asked.

"Well, Yui..." Spiderman said as he pulled up a chair and sat on it backwards like the cool kids. "Have a seat." He said as he gestured at a cool damp rock.

"Well Yui, the Dragon Balls are mystical spheres that can grant wishes." Spiderman said as he got up, threw his chair in the ocean, and created a Web Motorcycle. "Get on the bike, Yui."

Then Yui got on the Web Motorcycle.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter VII:

Spiderman drove down the barren highway on his Web Motorcycle, the two suns setting over the green sky. Spiderman wore sunglasses over his jar, Yui was giving him a blowie and he blasted his cream cheese against the inside of her cheek.

"Hey Yui, what's that?!" Spiderman shouts as he gestures off to the left.

"Muh?" Yui asked, gloop running out of her perky mouth.

"Donkey Punch~!" Spiderman shouted as he punched her in the back of the head.

Then Spiderman and Yui got to the Temple of The Balls. "This is where they keep two balls." Spiderman said as he de-created his Web Motorcycle in mid drive, then he created a web parachute and landed peacefully, Yui not so much.

"This is the Temple of the Balls, here it is." Spiderman said as he went inside. Inside there was a puzzle that involved three torches and a door.

"How will I open this door?" Spiderman asked in confusion.

"I don't know..." Yui-Chan said confused, gasping for air and battered from her less than graceful dismount from the web motorcycle.

"Maybe I need to ignite the torches!" Spiderman proclaimed as he created a Web Flame Thrower and shot fire at the Torches, but the door did not open. "Of course, I need to set the torches on Bees!" He said as he made some web bees and he shot web water out of his armholes to put out the fire and the web bees surrounded the torches and the doors opened.

"Spiderman, you genius!" Yui giggled.

"Haha! You owe me another Blowie!" Spiderman said as he went inside the inner sanctum and saw a super-powerful Namekian.

"I am Lord Chello!" The Namekian laughed. "I will defeat you, Spiderman!" he shouted as he shot a Ki Blast at our hero, who dodged and threw his _Steel Sword_ at Lord Chello's face, killing him instantly. "Now to get those Dragon Balls" Spiderman said as he picked up the two Dragon Balls and hotwired them and plugged in a web keyboard and hacked the Dragon Balls and made them summon the other five Dragon Balls.

"Come over here Parunga!" Spiderman demanded as Parunga appeared and Spiderman ordered him to grant him three wishes.

"I want a transformers toy, and the new pokiman game, and for The Blacksmith to come back to life!" Spiderman ordered then those things happened and the Dragon went away.

"Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Doggey!" The Blacksmith Hollered. "Thank Ya'llz for revivin' me brotha!" The Blacksmith hollered.

So then they all went back to the Spaceship Parking Lot but their spaceship was towed away for being double-parked.

"Damnit, I don't have enough Spider Mana to make another Web Spaceship." Spiderman stated as he looked at Yui and did a blowie gesture.

Then Yui gave him a blowie right there in the parking lot and they all got arrested by the Namek Po-Po.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter VIII:

When they were all in the Namek Prison Spiderman laughed and said "Hahaha! My plan is working perfectly! Now that we are all in Namek Prison we cannot be too far from Namek Spaceship Impoundment Lot." So Spiderman dissolved into a swarm of tiny spiders that crawled in between the iron bars and then they clumped together and reconstituted as Spiderman's human form.

Spiderman pulled a _Mysterious Steel Lever_ that opened the iron bars and they all got out and then they went to the Namekian Spaceship Impoundment Lot and got their Spaceship back. Then they flew back to the planet with two moons and they landed in the Blacksmith's hometown.

Then while they hovered seven hundred feet above the Blacksmith's hometown, Spiderman reconstituted the web-materials of the web spaceship as a massive swarm of tarantulas. Then Spiderman, Yui Hirasawa, and the Blacksmith plummeted towards the Earth, and Spiderman created a Web Handglider built for two for him and the Blacksmith and the two sailed on gentle breezes back down to the ground. But Yui fell to her death while screaming with tarantulas crawling in and out of her.

"Damnit, she dead." Spiderman said as he inserted his hands into her shirt and used his Spider Powers to bring her back to life with a breast massage.


End file.
